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The Coworker Again
I came back from lunch the other day, my same coworker said:
“You look…”
I interrupted her, “Tired, I know.”
“No”, she said, “You look high!”
What I said:
“Uh, sorry, not in this lifetime”
What I wish I woulda said:
“Yeah, you know, as a matter of fact I AM. Do you happen to have any snacks in your desk? I’ve got the munchies!”
And, just as a matter of fact…I was not high!
The Coworker
I have a coworker who tells me at least three times a week that I look tired. I am not a morning person. I am on time to work every day, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I am awake!
What I said:
“Oh, I look tired? I was up a little late last night”
What I wish I woulda said:
“I look tired? Maybe I AM tired. It’s morning. Maybe this is how I look in the morning, and just maybe I’m not a morning person!”
The Boss
My aging boss isn’t the nicest guy. I mostly ignore him. Last week I requested a day off from work, but he apparently forgot. On my day off, it took him until 1:00 in the afternoon to realize I wasn’t at my desk, and then yelled about me to a co-worker. He was furious that I wasn’t in the office. He had my coworker text me, and ask me to call him a.s.a.p. Despite the fact that my mom was in surgery at the time, I called him.
What I said:
“Hi Mr. Boss. Yes, I did let you know I wouldn’t be in the office. Remember, I told you my mom was having surgery today? Oh, I’m so sorry you forgot.”
What I wish I woulda said:
“Hi Mr. Boss. Next time you think I just forgot to come to work, please call me yourself rather than disparage me to my coworkers. I am a 43 year old professional, who isn’t in the habit of ditching work. Perhaps it’s time you retired and maybe you should see someone about your personality and memory issues!”
Is there an app for that?
What I Said:
My mom has dementia, and was recently hospitalized. She has trouble communicating, so I tried to spend as much time as I could at the hospital to act as her translator. One morning, I sat quietly reading while a doctor was examining her. I had just finished explaining to him that she has trouble communicating. He went on with his exam, which included asking her questions like ‘what is your name?, ‘how old are you?’, ‘what year is it?’, ‘where are you right now?’. She could only answer her name. Her other answers were unintelligible.
The doctor turned to me exasperated, and said, “Can you help me out with what she is saying?”
I shrugged, and said “She has trouble communicating, your guess is as good as mine.”
What I Wish I Woulda Said:
“I have no idea what she is saying. I am hearing the very thing you are. I do not have a little Dementia to English translation book here in my purse, but wait, maybe if I pull out my iPhone, I can see if there’s an app for that!”
